payday!

Okie long weekend, so i have some time to blog =) Thurs was pay day! hahah got my pay and i was so damn happy! I can't wait to get my pay again! Haiz...susan is going to leave the company on mon >.< she has been a great help at work cause i still have a lot of stuff that i dunno...and she's always there to help. I'm always afraid of uncertainty...i need to have everything planned for me ...such that everything that happens will be according to what i predicted. I know this is bad...i've always tried to calm myself and not worry about the unpredicted but...i'll always end up...being anxious...and lose my sleep. These few days i have been thinking of what might happen without susan...and since i'm a pessimistic person..they are all bad...haha. I tink i must try to train myself to understand what's rajar saying as he would be the person who can help me eventually. I'm glad i still have anita, lichuen and charmaine, the few whom i can talk to at work. But still, without susan, work would be boring ...lack of laughter. Nonetheless, i wish her a safe and fun trip to Taiwan...i totally got her to help me buy lotsa stuff..(provided her luggage has space for them. Hmm..I've only worked for 3 weeks...but i'm starting to understand how tough it is for mom and dad to earn money...You go to work in the morning, looking forward to lunch break and after lunch, you look forward to 6pm...where you can go home..that's just 1 day....you have to live through 5 dAYS so that you can have a 2-day break (weekend) and you go back to work again. This has to go on for 4 weeks for you to get your pay (which you probably think is too little to pay for the sufferings) >.< I'm starting to treasure and love money alot more now. hahah $$$$$ =P

This long holiday gave me alot of time to think. I saw anita's blog and saw shing and her photos. I really feel so happy for them...i really wish they could stay so loving forever. Their marriage would be one that i'll look forward to and i wish as they age together, they treasure each other and love each other even more. At the same time, i'm feeling sad for myself...被爱是幸福...but i turned it down...just because i am waiting for that someone...暗恋很痛苦 especially when i'm not even sure if it's 单恋. sometimes i wish i can go back to my childhood times...don't need to worry about $$, about relationship, about school, about family, about friends, about my future....now i understand why people 不想长大.

Next mon will be the release of results. I'm very worried. I'm praying...I really hope i could maintain or even improve my CAP..i need my honours degree. I have many wishes right now...i wish the new girl could stay long enough in our company such that i won't have to go down to katong, i wish my results will turn out good, i wish my tuitee's results turn out good, i wish i could knoe what that someone is thinking...the more i think...the more i don't wish to see him so that i won't think of him.

~feeling so miserable..i'll just drown myself in work~